Money Matters in the In-Between: The Unspoken Costs from Home to the Freshmen Dorm
There are so many great videos these days of teenage black boys and teenage black girls reading their acceptance letters to colleges and universities. Some to my alma mater, Cornell University. I have so much joy watching their joy explode and the communal joy exploding behind them, beside them and from ancestors long gone. And then I think of all the things to come, or at least the things I recall for myself that often times are unspoken and not realized by others. A prestigious private school like Cornell allows for low-income students to matriculate with less debt, I know because I had great grant support. They even paid for me to visit during the prospective students of color weekend. A bridge program over the summer was completely paid for including transportation to Ithaca and back home. But who will get me back to Ithaca, NY, eight and a half hours drive up I-81, take exit 7 for a 30 miles-per-hour 30-minute ride into the middle of nowhere, but somewhere important? This is a part of the unspoken cost.
I have so much joy watching their joy explode and the communal joy exploding behind them, beside them and from ancestors long gone.
As a low-income, first generation, black female, I had never gone to college before, neither had my immediate family members. We debated for days about how to get me there. What do I pack my stuff in? I had maybe one suitcase from my first international trip thanks to marching band. We had lived 3 hours from Virginia Beach all our lives and had never ventured there—we had no family vacations. Packing is first generation too. But what about all the little trinkets to decorate with? What about my bedding? What about my pillows? My computer (which was a desktop at the time)? My shoes, my towels, my soap, my hair stuff, and who will do my hair, my black hair in Ithaca, (Facebook hadn’t started yet) … And so much more. No one in my family had a van, or a big SUV, so we decided on a U-Haul and we’d drop it off there and they’d drive back in my mom’s car to Charlottesville. Somewhere on a freshmen move-in list the “dos and don’ts” stated for students not use a U-Haul. The feeling of being out of place, unaware, insecure was one I’ll never forget as we unloaded into my new home for an academic year. Even though we were not supposed to use a U-Haul, a U-Haul costs money, and the smallest U-Haul that can leave the state costs a lot of gas as well. Luckily, I had a brother that paid for it all, but what if I didn’t. Honestly my family wondered why and critiqued me for going so far away from home when the University of Virginia was right there in my neighborhood. I had so many reasons why I chose Cornell, but honestly the only reason that matters is that Cornell was the best decision I made during that young adult phase of my life.
The feeling of being out of place, unaware, insecure, was one I'll never forget as we unloaded into my new home for an academic year.
The lack of understanding my choice, and the lack of understanding what I would experience when I went to Cornell is also a hidden cost, a cost in familial continued connection. Yet, I know that the items I needed to bring with me to Cornell I purchased on my own. I had been working since I was 14, and even my sweet 16 birthday party I paid for and planned, the small yet enjoyable sleepover. Buying items for my new dorm was fun for me and I was able to spread it out and get good deals. But something I noticed when I arrived were the continual comings and goings of some of my new peers with their parents. Parents jumped in their cars and took their son or daughter to Target, and returned with bag after bag after bag, with brand new items ready to be unpackaged and put to use. Perhaps that would be the best way to prepare—arrive and assess the space and go buy everything. This allows for a lesser car load, and also extra time to bond with your family before you say goodbye for a few months. My family unloaded me, and as they most likely had to work the next day, they returned rather swiftly. Now that I think back, I’m so happy my mother was able to have the time off to join in this drive and adventure, I hope she had fond memories of it, as they were mostly confusing for me. Luckily, I had already made friends the summer before thanks to the initiatives that Cornell had in place to assist in retention of marginalized students.
Someone told me a story recently about being a parent taking their daughter to college for the first time and being brave enough to pull aside the tour guide to ask, “do the dorm rooms have furniture?” and the student guide stating, “yes there is a desk, chair, dresser and a bed.” The mom sighed with relief and said, “oh thank goodness a bed, we thought we had to buy her one.” The tour guide shared, “we get that question often.” The university she was taking her daughter to was one with a higher population of students of color and first-generation students. Could you imagine the idea in a parent’s head that perhaps they couldn’t afford their son or daughter to go to college because the start up cost would be too much, because the start up cost doesn’t come in a loan or grant. Because all those scholarships, loans and grants go directly to the university.
The in between period matters. The time period from when you decide where you will go to school and the day of move-in may be seamless for students that are not first generation, or have a more financially stable family, families with flexible time, with greater understanding of why a school 8 hours away is worth the effort. And then there are those that are like me. I wanted to share this story and these thoughts because as I collect donations for the first year of a scholarship fund I created in the memory of my mother, I want folks to understand why this type of scholarship matters, and matters a great deal for those that will be the recipients.
MSU Master's in Counseling graduation ceremony, 2011 with my mom, Phyllis
The Phyllis Marie Brackett Memorial Scholarship, is a small, yet impactful, amount of funds, at least $500 given to an African American female high school student from a low-income household and who is first generation. It is a scholarship I have begun to express is for “a girl like me.” The young lady will also be a Monticello High School student, my former high school. The funds will be given to her directly, about a month prior to her making that move to her freshmen dorm. For some, $500 to $1000 does not seem like much, but for a girl like me, it would mean a major difference in stress levels and uncertainty, and a great difference in accessing joy in their first week at the university that they had celebrated being accepted to in that viral video.
My goal is that for every girl like me that receives this scholarship, the funds provide a sense of calm and readiness, and in return supports her in remaining excited about going to her university and plays a small part in her graduating in the next 4 years. And to always know girls like us can do anything.
To learn more see below:
About the Prefreshmen Summer Program at Cornell:
“The challenge for schools like Cornell is convincing these smart and accomplished students that they do, in fact, belong here...That’s why Cornell created PSP, where students from different backgrounds and ethnicities come together for classes and enrichment programs to bridge the gap between their high school and college experiences.”